Thursday, April 28, 2005
The Beginning
All of us when we we were born we start off in our life with a dream. For a businessman it is the big company, for an actor it iss the best actor award, for a basketball player it is getting the championship, for a boxer it is giving the hardest blow and getting the title. But for a student like me it is the diploma, the award and the greatest job opportunities.
We all want something to happen in our lives. Even those whom we think have wasted theirs surely had dreamt of something when they were little. “Pangarap” that is what we call it in tagalog. We use it almost all of the time which makes me wonder why many werent able to attain their dreams. Surely theyre so aware what they wanted.
I read from The Little Prince it says; “all of us when we were little we know exactly what we wanted to happen in our lives. At that point everything is clear and possible. But as time passes by many dreadful experiences convince us that it will be impossible for us to realize them.”
As for me, it is definitely not very easy to live my dream. And it is so true what The Little Prince said. When I entered the University of Santo Tomas I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I had it all planned out. Nevertheless, there was this feeling that everything I ever wanted my whole life was about to come true and then something suddenly went wrong. Its like making your final turn in a dance and suddenly you slip and fall. Its like serving for a final point in the championship of a tennis game and suddenly you choke because of the overwhelming pressure. Its something you cannot blame on somebody else but yourself. And when everything is over all you can say is I could have but I did not.
Sad but true. I didnt get the chance to make everything happen the way I had planned it. I ended up being an Applied Physics student instead of Psychology. That simple and single change altered everything. All my plans broke down. Its been two long years since that day but I could still remember exactly how it felt the moment they told me that I was late. Yes, just because I was late. I kept blaming myself since then. I could have gone there earlier. But what can I do? I came from the far away province of Isabela. Letters dont arrive fast and internet access is limited way back during that time. So what really happened was I received the letter saying I should be there to claim my slot later than expected. Actually, everything has been done; I have had my interview and passed the papers they require. The only thing left to do is secure my slot for the course which I wasnt able to do. And the rest they say is history. So here I am now already a third year BS Applied Physics student.
Many things have changed. I have changed. It may be for the better or for worse. But if there is one big lesson I have learned, its to survive. Life is really complicated as they say. As I watch the movie Wimbledon with Kirsten Dunst and Paul Bettany, I realized a lot of things. Its true that we all start in life with a dream. And for most people, that is all it ever is- a dream. But the reality is another story-my story. And I am not most people. The one thing we cant have is fear. Im not afraid of losing the game of life especially not of other people.
Its like playing tennis. I dont feel afraid of losing, not of my opponent. Im afraid of what happens if that ball keeps going by me. It did once and I wont let it happen again. A very big part of me was always afraid that my life would be over if I wasnt doing exactly what I planned. I guess I was wrong because it was really just beginning.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
i fell in love once, i fell in love again
I fell in love once and I didn't know why. I fell in love the second time and still didn't know how it came about. I fell in love again and again without knowing how and why. But one thing is sure, no matter how many times I have fallen in love, I have not yet fallen out of love.
So how is it possible, really? Two days ago I came home in Santiago from Manila for the vacation. I went there to get my clearance for the semester. My trip was scheduled at 6:30 in the morning. It's quite early. I felt really sad for a while because I will be going home alone. I'm used to going home with two of my best friends, Brat and Fitz. But they weren't available by that time for they have their own schedules to meet. And more so because my boyfriend won't be able to take me to the bus station. I got really used to Marc taking me to the station everytime.
Of course, it's not very easy to do that all the time. For one, I used to take the afternoon/ night trip home, which i am not taking by then. Plus, it\s not very easy to go all the way to Sampaloc from Sta. Ana, where Marc lives, at a very early time of the day. Not to mention that Marc have an interview for his work application at 8:00 AM in Mandaluyong. For pete's sake it's Monday!!! First working day of the week. It's a very busy day at the peak of the rush hour.
Anyway, the night before, Marc and I started on making a bet. He said he could come at my dorm at 6:00 in the morning. So it was set. We had a bet. However, I didn't really expect him to come and win the bet. Though, i know deep in my heart i am wishing and hoping that somehow he would.
5:00 AM. I woke up to prepare for my trip. And as I always do first thing when I wake up I called Marc. And boy was i surprised to know that he's actually almost done preparing and is about to go out of the house to go to my dorm.<
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
grades and songs..
anyway, i placed a link here on my blog to the where the grades can be viewed! and also i placed some songs i really love.. you can just click on them.. i will be placing more soon. but for now these are the only available songs.. thanks! hope u enjoy them!
happy vacation everyone!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
full house
full house.. Justin and Jessie
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